This is all a mask

I’m spunky with a smile on my face, but ask me how I really feel.

I let shit bother me way too much, and its building up in me.

I know I have friends, but I feel really alone.  I feel, and have always felt, like I’m the last priority of everyone.  Sure, my freinds will spend time with me, but only if all their other friends already have something to do, or if they don’t have something else they’d rather be doing.  There is so much I would drop to help a freind, or even to make them feel better, and I don’t feel like I get even half as much help or time back.

Maybe its just me.  But everyone has their special freinds or groups they always hang together, and do everything together.  I guess I just don’t have that, and it makes me sad.  I had a freind in high school that you couldn’t get us apart.  I want that again.  Whether it be girlfreind or best friend, I need someone.  I appreciate the time everyone gives me, but I’m honestly hurting.

You may not be able to tell from day to day, I put on a good mask and show my acting skills.  That what I’m good at, talking.  I can make people believe shit I don’t even believe.  But I’m in bad shape guys.  I have a lot of issues hitting me from all sides, and many choices I need to make.  Its all a bit much to take.

The people that can see this are honestly some the closest people in my life.  I need you guys.